Here we go.
I’m gonna talk about last Friday because I feel it is necessary.
I’m supposed to game night with my main group of friends from last year.
So I get ready and shit. I make myself dinner, but I made way too much. I offered to take it to game night, so my friends and I ate the food I made. They never thanked me once. Also, when I left to get soy sauce, they switched the plates because they seriously thought I poisoned theirs.
I also brought snacks to this game night. I was the only one to bring snacks. They never thanked me for that either.
My ex is one of the people in this group, and she asked me if I’m in the remedial probation class, because I did poorly last semester when she decided to break up with me two weeks before finals.
I felt attacked at this remark because I value my success a lot. I felt like she thought I was not good enough to do well in college. (Especially knowing what she regularly said to me when we were together and that because of her I dropped honors, which made me feel like a failure for a long time.) Responding to this, I told her I got a 3.2 my first semester and that I’m not a failure, mostly reassuring myself. Her roommate (which is part of the friend group but not part of the current conversation) stood up and started swearing at me, because she is in the remedial class. All of a sudden I’m the abuser and not the victim. I responded in a way that upsets her more because I was so caught off guard by the sudden flip in accusation, so she kiced me out of the room. I get a bit offended but mostly confused at this. Anyway I text the two friends I haven’t offended, my ex and the third one, to see if it’s safe to get my shit out of their room. The third one keeps calling me a pussy for not just going over there and forcing myself in their space to get my shit, when 1) I was not raised to force myself anywhere or onto anyone, and 2) I was kicked out of the room and I don’t feel welcomed back yet, so I ‘my not gonna risk barging in there. Not forcing myself or being a douché bag doesn’t make me a pussy.
The third one also ate my snacks while I was kicked out of the room. Remember, no one there thanked me for the food provided.
Then my e’er current boyfriend and one of my best friends show up. I meet them first because my ex is horrible at communication and they were waiting at the wrong entrance. My e’er current boyfriend turned out to be an awesome guy, and if I lived in the same city as him I would see him on a regular basis. But put him with my ex, it becomes a horribly uncomfortable experience.
Luckily my good friend was there to bail me out of the absolutely horrible night I was having. We ended up going to a different party because this one had my ex and her boyfriend, and they said they’d turn down the romance A LITTLE when I asked them to stop. So obviously I couldn’t stay. They didn’t even care if I was there or not, they already got a free meal out of me.
Anyway, we went to my good friend’s other friend’s place and it was so much more friendly and accepting. I didn’t know anybody there, but nobody was rude. Nobody picked on me. Nobody made me uncomfortable, especially not on purpose when they knew it bothered me.
That’s just sad, when strangers are friendlier and more hospitable than your friends.
And this was not the only time these friends treated me like this! It happened constantly last year. It seems like since I’m the only guy in the group that I’m automatically viewed as the tough asshole while they’re all the innocent sweethearts. So when something went wrong, I got blamed. Even when I had no control over it or it was in no way even possible for me to have caused it. Even if it was just kidding around, I didn’t like it and I told them constantly! You know what their response was? “Don’t be a pussy.” They said they kid around with all their friends, but do they not know the boundaries? Isn’t saying “enough of this shit” mean enough?
Of course, I’m not at all the assertive type, so whenever I got blamed for something, I felt like it really was my fault. And I felt like I had to try to fix it, usually in changing my ways. This really fucked me up. They really fucked me up.
Like the break up? It’s my fault because she didn’t think I loved her enough, when in reality I couldn’t think straight and was always panicking because I knew something was wrong and I didn’t know how to fix it. Turns out it was just because she only accepted one form of “love language”, which in my panic I never even thought of “speaking”. I kept trying other forms but she didn’t take those. (I’m not saying it’s her fault for not accepting what I was giving, but she probably should’ve realized I was trying and panicking. Instead it’s all my fault because I’m the one who should’ve realized what she wanted when I couldn’t even think straight.)
But it’s not as bad when they’re apart. My ex is still the only person on the planet that periodically texts me to see if I’m doing ok. When it’s just me and her, and there is no romance involved, we’re actually really good friends and can communicate well. if one of the other two girls is there, nope. Constant bullying and everything is my fault or my problem. And they still get mad at me for making everything about me, when I just realized they were always making everything about me. When I’m with most people I barely talk about myself or my problems because I’m too scared to. But with them, they drag it out of me and then yell at me for having them.
I am so done with them. I don’t even care if they see this. And it’s not passive aggressive because I’m straight out saying it. I don’t want to be friends anymore. Being alone is my absolute worst fear, but it is still better than being around these people. Like I said earlier, my ex is the only one that has me convinced they actually legitimately care about me, but it’s not worth having a friend that can change on me so drastically. I would rather be alone forever.
Here we go.
Isn’t it weird how glue doesn’t get stuck to the container it’s in
nope, because it reacts to oxygen to become as sticky as you know it
thank you science side of tumblr
pretty sure it’s the water in the glue that evaporates, and with a sealed container water can’t evaporate as much without recondensing inside the bottle, remoisturizing the glue